Simple things in life

i feel happy when i see our clothes getting the sun when we push it out to dry.
i feel happy when i get a ride from some mrt to my god forsaken god knows where workplace.
i feel happy when Ashlyn is sleeping peacefully in her cot
i feel happy when i wake up to find Ashlyn sleeping in between me and wifey
I feel happy when i get to meet my old friends

Sometimes you really need very little things in life eh

2 months old

Ashlyn is going to be 2 months old in a couple of days. yesterday night chris asked me, what have i learnt for the past 2 months?

and i am like what?!?! Is she an undercover working for the organisation?! Everyday at work people like to ask you to journal, reflect, write down ur lesson learnt and when i reach home, my wife is also asking me the same thing!! HAHA.. it was damn funny la.. but reflecting is always good ya.. its always good to sit down, take stock of what u have learnt, consolidate and then move on to things better..

so maybe i’ll take a couple more moments to think through what i have learnt these 2 months..

love unconditionally. baby is a burden. thats why it is unconditioned love. she takes up 80% of ur resources and yet gives nothing back. sometimes not even a smile or thank u! so yes, i learnt to love unconditionally.

i learnt that work is really just secondary..  when i was in the previous department, i was damn scared to take mc or leave. thinking that only the weak and the free can take those two evils. but i guess that is also the culture of my workplace.. but now, work is really just secondary.. how much can i earn? how high can rise? i will earn enough to feed my family, if not i will just eat lesser durians and downgrade to a smaller house. i will rise high enough to earn enough to feed my family.. haha.. promotion is secondary.. the delta is very little of course.. but every single min u spend with baby and wifey is precious.

its really amazing to see ur baby grow a little everyday.. i cant bear to not come home a day and miss seeing her grow up.

this is my family and i love them!

fatherhood

i was going to write about fatherhood 2 hours ago until i got   something. so now i have to digress a bit.

i wonder what rules am i going to set in my family next time. i am very disapproving of people (read girls) that buy lots of bags and clothes.(sorry dianne). i guess some people have different priorities in life.. i am saving every single cent i can so that i can quickly finish paying off this d#$% house. then i can live/die in peace knowing that i have did everything in my powers to provide a roof for my family.  so when i see people (read girls) just mindlessly buying clothes and bags and worst of all, not even wearing or using them or selling them. i wonder what goes through that head that went through 20 odd years of singapore education. maybe we came from different background, maybe they (read girls) were pampered by their parents over the years such that they do not need to worry about their next meal or future. i sure pray that nothing catastrophic happens to them because i know if that happens. they will never be able to take that sorta of hardship.

anyway back to fatherhood. i sure hope baby ashlyn grows up to be a fine young lady. well, there is no use hoping, it is left to us to teach her the correct values and bring her up correctly.

fatherhood is just like falling in love, just that u dont have a choice of choosing ur gf/bf. and u are sure to fall in love with ur baby. u can stare at her the whole day and not get bored. u can change 10 time s nappies for her in 2 hours and not grumble. maybe thats just cause i am only 2 weeks into fatherhood? and cause i have a maid in my mother in law house to help the nappies and the other miscellaneous stuff.  i see other parents scolding their 3-5 year old kids when they are naughty or pee on their pants. i wonder will i be like that? only time will tell ya.. only time will tell…

oh ya.. and i am posted to another department in my company. the office is like freaking far away man. loyang that area.. i took 2 hours to go work the first day i took public transport.. faint man… but never mind.. at least i can go home everyday unlike my previous department where i have to work overnight.. i have to do OT too but i guess thats not too bad.. like what daniel said, maybe this place will do me good? make me a better man!!!!

Baby Ashlyn

with baby ashlyn, i worry that she will get into bad company and grow up to not to be the innocent sweet girl that i endeavour her to be. i am worried that she will be like alot of the girls, eat and vomit out their food.  oh well, i just hope she will grow up to be like ME!! hahahahhahahaha..

when i am 80 years old

do i want to be at 80 years old and ask myself this qn? did i just wasted a big half of my life working in a job that i didnt like and was torturing myself everyday?

till now i have been telling myself, no regrets here, no regrets there, yup, had to do that so no regrets.

but i am not very sure about this.. till now i had been like suck it up suck it up.. now that i see it in this light,  whats the point in living so “unhappily” then regret it at the end? but i guess things will only get better ya. they always do… and the lesson learnt today is that dont blame urself. its not ur fault that u are in this situation. bah!

baby ashlyn

expected to come anytime soon.. SL told me that day, he was excited until the day his baby was born. -_-”

i am of course excited but i cannot be more tired now because of work.. its really just draining me.. and i am not sure how i can handle it simultaneously when baby ashlyn comes out.. above all, i pray that she is healthy just like mummy and daddy! the road is really daunting ahead and i dont see much light at the end of the tunnel too.. oh wait, there is some light but it might be the light of the oncoming train! *gua gua gua*

so in a short para i summarise, i hope somebody gives me enough strength and sleep to get over these 2 YEARS!

for a soccer player, match fitness and normal running is different. of course it might have some link but it really doesnt mean that if u can run 2.4 in 7 mins means that u can last the whole game..

same in life i guess, u get a degree, it doesnt directly means that u will do well in work.

watched a channel U show just now that shows a celebrity going to some ulu island in some ulu country to try to help the very very very poor people there. we were watching the show because we liked the sea and the island and we wished that we could stay on the island too! and i thought that mediacorp was exploiting the poor people by fliming celebrity trying to do charity work but thats another story to tell on another day.

so on a totally related note, sean said something like its the opportunity cost of what u could have done with ur time besides staying on with the company. then i watched this show.. then i was thinking could i have made a difference in other people’s life? like being a volunteer? and of course stop being so pre occupied with earning money for the sake of giving everyone around me a “better” life?

that brings out another point which is i think i am damn too practical. and there cannot be too many this kind of people out there or the economy will collapse. i’m just too focused on paying back the half a million dollars loan that i owe the bank that sometimes i really should sit back, spend the money i have on travelling or donate to charity. u get the gist.

we’ll see we’ll see.. when i am DEBT FREE in a few years time.. we’ll see what i’ll do with the money.. maybe i’ll get myself another 3/4 of a million loan from the bank again? its just a vicious cycle la.

work work work

maybe i am taking my work too seriously.. or rather i am too stressed out by my work.. i should really just take it into stride..

oh well, it was a good long weekend anyway, except for the occassion scuffles i had with wifey.. always trying to thi me.. grrrr… but i think we are both very excited that baby ashlyn is coming out.. and wifey will have 3 months of break.. and i would be working like a dog.. what to do? sigh.. i wish we had enough to be able to let her stop working and just take care of baby ashlyn.. but not in the near future.. oh well, its getting late and i should sleep.. nitez

thanks

i feel very touched by all the support that my coursemates want to give me.. i feel touched when they go out of their way to give me a pat on the back or just to give me a hug. (okay, that didnt happen) i dont feel very encouraged seriously but cause that’s just me.. i tend not to follow what other people want me to follow.. ( i guess another word is rebellious)

anyway, i just want to really say thanks.

i guess its really hard for people to understand how this happygolucky guy can become so sian and moody and is affected by such insignificant thing..

all i can say is “dont judge a book by its cover” and “ONLY GOD CAN JUDGE ME” GO FOR QUAH!!!

good things

u know, when the going gets tough, its always good to stop. take a deep breathe, and enjoy the fresh air and nice sight.

so without going into the bad things, let me just say i appreciate these things in my life right now.

1. i have a job

2.baby ashlyn coming out in sep!!

3.i have a loving and sweet wife

4.i have a nice house

5.my health is relatively ok

6.i have money inside my bank

7.i have been eating durian non stop for the past few weeks

8.i have friends

9.i have a really good and supportive MIL

10. i am currently on a 8-5 job

11. i am going to play soccer this thursday!

12. i am flying this thursday! so exciting!

13. my stocks are losing LESS money. haha

see, now i feel better so much already